Meter Down

I have a strong dislike towards riding autos since a long time. I have always felt it to be an unnecessary indulgence. However, the illegible routes written in Kannada on the public buses coupled with a new found sense of laziness made me take the seemingly easier option more than a couple of times, specially on weekends. The auto rides would go on to form an integral part of my memory of the last two months here in Bangalore. And here are a few reasons why.

Auto rides in Bangalore can have an ending as surprising an O Henry short story. A ride from BTM to my sister’s house where I was put up would cost me anything between 32 to 50 bucks. “Strictly by meter sir.” But the fact that surprised me the most on each of the auto rides was that I always managed to reach home unscratched. I had the reputation in my engineering days of being the safest rough biker in college, but often the manoeuvres of the auto rider would often have me gripping the rods in front of me tightly and tightening every single muscle of the body in anticipation of that inevitable crash.

Auto drivers in Bangalore are also wont towards striking off a conversation with the passengers. Often I had to sit the entire stretch from Banashankari to Silk Board, with the driver blabbering away in incomprehensible Kannada, and me just murmuring haan or nahi, (yes or no), the choice made absolutely at random. On some unfortunate occasions, I would encounter a driver who knew a little bit of Hindi. Unfortunate because he would expect me to make proper comments rather than the random yes and no.

One day, while I’m keeping a close look at the meter, trying to determine if its running too fast, the autowaala’s voice breaks my concentration. “I want to have a job. A proper job. A helper in the canteen of an IT company maybe. I am not getting a girl to marry. Everyone rejects me. Even though I earn more than what a helper in the canteen of an IT company does, no one wants to marry his daughter off to an autowaala.” His last sentence confirms my fears about a rigged meter. But the mention of my favourite topic for discussion (marriage) gets me distracted. “Why do you want to get married? An extra mouth to feed, maybe a couple more in 3-4 years. Spend the money that you are earning on yourself, and enjoy life.” The autowaala replies something inaudible amongst the multitude of sounds of the traffic outside, and I know better than to ask him to repeat.

Another day, an autowaala asks me my salary. Not sure what to answer, since my sister had warned me against auto waalas who “take you to deserted places and then rob you at knife point. It happened to a software engineer last week, you know”, I flick open my cell phone, excuse myself and call up an imaginary number again and again, with an expression of disgust at the jammed network of Hutch that evening.

My sister’s warning actually turned out to be a source of amusement in the auto rides where the drivers turned out to be reserved. When not shutting my eyes at the view of a fast approaching Volvo from the other side on a collision course which the driver averts with a deft left-right of the handle, I imagine the auto waala suddenly stopping the auto, flipping out a knife and asking me for all my valuables (“they take your ATM card, will make you reveal the PIN and then withdraw all the cash, you know”). I would then plan out the exit route (lesson learnt after reading “The Bourne Trilogy” years ago – Rule No. 1 - Always plan your exit route) The exit route planned would depend on the physique of the auto waala. Since all the auto waalas in Bangalore, and I dare say Southern India, sport a commendable paunch, my favoured route of exit was always to run away as fast as possible as soon as the auto made an unscheduled stop. I often still wonder why that unfortunate software engineer who got robbed last week didn’t think of the same plan. Ah! He didn’t have a sister like me I guess, who could warn him off.